Tyrese Gibson wrote “validation is a man’s silent killer”. He goes on to inform us it is why so many men are in jail or dead. Because their behavior is encouraged by what someone else says is cool or manly. Well, I read that and I thought I can see that. If you could get an honest answer from most men who have done something they may now regret they will probably say “if I didn’t do it then I would have been a punk or worse.
I will say that validation is a human beings silent killer. It does not matter who or what you are. Too many of us need validation to live. Ok so here is a chance to check yourself. There are two type of people in the world. There are the people that before they do something you think about it, depending on what it is you weigh the pros and cons, then you do it or you don’t. You came to that conclusion on your own. Then you find out the outcome of your actions. Good or bad you accept it no need to get approval from anyone. Then there are some who need to seriously ask someone else before they make a decision. Then they have to know that it is a good decision before they do it. Then no matter the results they need to know from someone else that they approve or not. Which one are you?
So let’s think about the word validation for a minute. Where in your life can you think of an instance or instances that you needed to prove something to someone other than yourself? Think about it, most of us have at some point wanted someone else’s approval on something so bad because then they would accept you for who you are and you could prove to them that who you are is not so bad.
For a very long time I needed that validation. One of the areas in my life that stand out for me when I think about validation and the stress it caused me is my previous relationships.
I have asked myself many times why did I stay knowing the relationship was not good for me. Why did I feel the need to take all of the things I know I couldn’t accept in order to stay in a relationship?
Well because I checked myself, one of my realizations were that I needed validation from the world but mainly my family and friends. I needed to prove to the world that a woman loving a woman is not a bad thing. It is not just about intimacy, we can be in long term, fulfilling relationships and be happy. I needed my family to be OK with who I am and who I loved.
I needed to show them that it was OK because look at me, I am happy and we have been together for a long time and being in love with the same sex is not so bad.
I assume that maybe I felt the need to prove this to people and know that they were OK with it so I could be OK with it.
I was lost thinking that I needed that validation so I could be happy and that some how this would make my life better. Instead this type of thinking caused me to pursue a certain type of person, accept a whole lot more than I should and have more gray hair than I should right now.
Pursuing validation from the outside world could literally cause you so much harmful stress on the inside.
I was so unhappy trying to validate me through someone else’s lenses. Now I am able to validate me and that is all that matters. I accept who I am and love who I am becoming.
Some where along the way we have become a society of approval seekers. Not from ourselves but from the outside and what good is that? Look within yourself figure out who you are and your purpose. Follow the path that guides you to your destiny. Life becomes so much easier, your choices and decisions are based on where you need to go, not where someone else feels you need to be.