How often do you check yourself?
When things don’t go the way we hoped we tend to blame everyone else. Even though there may be blame to be placed elsewhere how often do you check yourself to see what you could have done differently?
My first adult relationship was a really tough one. I mean not only was I young I was also not capable of understanding that you can love someone but not give yourself away over and over again to someone who does not give you the same energy back. I stayed because I thought love was supposed to be tough but I never asked myself, “until when”?
You are probably asking what does this have to do with me checking myself? Well if I had understood then what I know now I would have known to ask myself the right questions. For example, when someone has done the same hurtful things to you over and over ask yourself am I being fair to myself? Is this showing love to myself or am I hurting myself even more then they are? Knowing what hurts you yet allowing yourself to stay in that relationship.
Is that fair to you?
How much can you give someone that does not replace all the energy you are giving them? When your finally done with the relationship you have nothing but negative things to say about the other person but in reality this is a really good moment to check yourself.
As you reflect on the pain you have been through you should ask yourself why did I give them the power to take all of me and give nothing back? Why do I do that in all of my relationships? Don’t let yourself off the hook by saying I am a nice person and people always take that for granted, or I give all of me and I am never appreciated.
Try asking these question did I give too fast? Did I give too much of me too fast? Did I see signs that I ignored because I just wanted to be in a relationship? Try asking questions like that and answering honestly. Check yourself!
Understand that when you answer the secret is to not do the same thing in the next relationship but to check yourself. It will be a challenge. You have to know it is not easy to take a good look at yourself and criticize your own behavior but if your goal is to not continuously go through life having to always bounce back then start checking yourself at work, at home, with friends, lovers and in your everyday actions.
You shouldn’t ask someone else to be honest with you if you don’t do it to yourself. Check yourself not to beat up on yourself but to build yourself up to a place where you understand that you don’t deserve to be hurt and unhappy but you do deserve the exact opposite.
Give yourself permission to love you as you are but set standards and continuously check yourself to be sure that you are living up to them as well as someone you may allow into your life.
Enjoy the growth that comes with this practice!